we're blogging at a bar
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
