"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
