did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
