my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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