Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
