I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
