Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
