He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
