GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize