Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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