You smell like stripper and shame
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
