It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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