Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want to fling myself into the sun
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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