A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize