just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize