Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
