You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
