you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
