he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
