Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
