porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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