the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just google imaged poop.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
