I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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