I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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