just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
