Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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