Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have aggressive nipples.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize