see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
