good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
