HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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