I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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