I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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