I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
