found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I believe in your delicious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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