I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
