he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize