if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
