You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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