i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
