I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
