I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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