I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
