Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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