im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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