did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's like iHOP with fire
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize