HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
