I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
