There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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