it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
