Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
