I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have fence marks all over my body
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
