I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
