Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
