The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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