i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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