theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
