$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
