my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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