I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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