worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
