I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
