oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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