You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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