I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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