My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
