Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
