If that was your dad, he is hot
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
