No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize