All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
