at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
