fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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