i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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