Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
