Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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