When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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